


In Flagrante Delicto

by Kasuchi



Category: How I Met Your Mother RPF
Genre: F/M, Making Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-12
Updated: 2009-02-12
Packaged: 2017-11-18 00:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/554937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kasuchi/pseuds/Kasuchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Actors make out a lot, for real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Flagrante Delicto

**Author's Note:**

> I...literally don't know where this came from. Like, I flipped open my Gdocs and there it was, written. I kind of hate myself for this, but my friends all peer-pressured me into it, so here it is for all to see. MY SHAME.
> 
> fake!spoilers ahoy - no spoilers, but they "discuss" the "script" for the "finale". (Also: bear in mind that nobody likes a Ted.)

1.

It isn't like the soundstage is particularly private or anything, but they were running their lines and then suddenly there is kissing.

Okay, he rationalizes, this is kissing. Kissing, which is okay because this scene has us kissing. So, this is practice. Right?

"We're just practicing right?"

"What?"

"Nothing," he says, and continues where they left off.

2.

Some people have been commenting.

"Is everything okay?" Josh has his, "I'm here for you" face on. Neil's pretty sure it's how he got the Ted role.

"Yeah, why?"

"You've just been a little off lately."

"I think I'm having a little character bleed."

Josh grins. "Make out with David a little and I'm sure it'll go away."

Naturally, Josh tells everyone. Jason thinks it's hilarious.

"Getting a little too desperate for that Emmy?"

"Just 'cause you're the big movie star."

"You rode the unicorn."

"No one remembers you were in _Knocked Up_!"

Alyson thinks it's sweet.

"You'll beat Piven for sure this time!"

Cobie just kind of gives him this long look. "I think I'm having the same problem."

"You know Carter and Craig are trying to hook up Barney and Robin."

She shrugs, all loosely. "Whatever."

3.

David's the first to call him out.

"Do you have a crush on your costar?"

Neil nearly spit takes (and there aren't even any cameras, damn it) but manages to avoid embarrassing himself. Instead, he just coughs violently. "What?!"

David just grins. "You do!"

"I nearly died from a Red Bull and you're gloating?"

"It's just funny."

"Shouldn't you be jealous?"

He shakes his head. "Nah. I'm pretty sure she sees you as safe. Besides, every night, who's in your bed?"

Neil laughs. "We should probably rehearse that."

"To the piano!" And he grabs Neil's hand.

4.

They almost get caught making out in the little fake half-bath in Barney's office - the door actually leads to a closet-sized space that's just painted like a very yellow bathroom. He had her pressed up against one of the (very flimsy) walls, hands just barely under her shirt.

Her fingers couldn't seem to stop running over the tie. "You realize that nobody knows you don't actually dress like this?"

"Character bleed," he replies simply, and keeps kissing her. She tugs at his tie, three sharp tugs, and then starts to undo the buttons on his shirt, the pads of her fingers flicking across his throat.

His hands tangle in her hair, then shift lower, sliding into the dip of her waist. His thumbs brush against her stomach, slightly swelled.

"Aren't you supposed to be pregnant?"

"Aren't you supposed to be gay?" She retorts, tugging on his bottom lip a little.

"Yeah, well," he says, and never finishes the thought because instead he sort of _pushes_ into her, and suddenly the wall moves. They break apart and stumble out of the closet and no one asks why they're so disheveled.

5.

"This is it."

"Looks like."

"Carter and Craig did say they'd get you the Emmy this year."

"Yeah, but I think my sad face muscles ache from all the pining."

"Well, hopefully you'll be able to smile more after this. Remember the flash forward?"

"Whatever. Like that actually indicates anything."

"What's what supposed to mean?"

"We always sit next to each other."

"Neil?"

"Yeah?"

"We're starting to sound like all those people on the internet."

"I kind of like those people."

"Why am I not surprised."

"Did you read the end of the script yet?"

"I'm a couple scenes away. Don't spoil me!"

"Major cliffhanger. That's all I'm saying."

"You're kidding!" Flip. Flip. Flip. Flip. "Son of a--!"

"Language."

Glare. "You're okay with this?"

"I don't exactly get a say."

"Apparently you do Mr Emmy Nominee."

"Not my fault I'm just that awesome."

Pause. "Still dealing with the character bleed, huh?"

"Little bit, yeah. Maybe I'll be over it by the end of the summer?"

"Spending it with David?"

"I was thinking Caribbean vacation. Too much?"

"The writers weren't lying when they said sand gets everywhere, you know. I had sand in my hair for weeks after the Sandcastles video shoot."

"I was thinking we wouldn't see much of the island at all, really."

"Neil!"

"C'mon, Jason's said so much worse."

"He has the excuse of being friends with Apatow."

"I know Joss Whedon!"

"Thanks for the Wonder Woman plug, by the way."

"Anytime."

"So the script says we make out a little in the third act."

"Barney's a little drunk, though."

"We should still practice. I'll bring the wine?"

"Barney's apartment?"

"See you in ten."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> So basically, I'm a little convinced that NPH has like a platonic crush on Cobie. He's always going on and on about how pretty she is, how she's such a dream to work with, and on and on. And it's like, I wouldn't care _if he did the same thing for the others_. But it's just Cobie! So I'm like, "He's got a straight-boy crush!" [](http://tenebris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tenebris**](http://tenebris.livejournal.com/) and like four other people goaded me and lo, we have this. Ta daa.
> 
> For what it's worth, I totally think Neil and David are adorable in real life, as are Cobie and ~~Blauman~~ her fiance. But come on! Surely you lot see it as much as I do!


End file.
